Blast from the past: Living in a Nightmare

Years passed by; I became so used to needles I did not even feel any pain or discomfort anymore. I was also very excited when my grandpa gave me his static bicycle so that I could do my daily exercise anytime at home. Life was getting better but my HbA1c test (average blood sugar over an 8-12 week period) was not at the point desired. This test is different from my daily tests, this gives bigger and clearer picture of how my blood sugars have been. HbA1c tests should be done once in 3-6 months and the best I had was 8%. Normal people would have less than 6% and the goal for diabetics are less than 7% in order to prevent complication later on in life. I have always been haunted by the potential future complications such as heart disease, kidney disease, diabetic retinopathy (blindness), sexual problems, frequent infection, and surgical loss of a foot/leg. Yes, it scared me to death but that made me fight everyday for another healthy day. However, I did not always win the battle; I screwed up a lot of times too. When I was in high school, I was introduced to "love". Love is the most beautiful thing in the world but it can be painful if it is misunderstood. I thought I knew what it meant but I was not. My parents noticed this and consequently, they did not approve our relationship. It was so painful because it was me against my own parents; I was living in a nightmare. Stress built up over and over and my blood sugar sky rocketed. I tried hurting myself a lot of times by not giving my body enough insulin and I even thought of suicide. One time I tested my blood sugar and it was so high that my machine could not detect it. It was so bad because stress increases blood sugar and high blood sugar can cause even more emotional stress. I lost control over myself; I was a runaway. But I was not alone, I was so blessed that I had my friends' supports I cannot thank them enough. My little sister helped me out a lot too; she never got tired of listening to me and felt for me. Sometimes I felt guilty I might have ruined their lives. I admit that I lost my battle but never once in my life I give up. I was sure to fight again.