Blast from the past: Coming to America

After graduating from high school, my parents sent me to the U.S. to go to Iowa State University. They were so relieved that I could finally be far away from my boyfriend. I found a brand new life in the U.S. My mom was with me for the first month and she helped me settled down. She took me to a doctor in the campus student health center. After a couple visits, my doctor changed my insulin to NovoRapid (generic:aspart) and Lantus (generic: glargine).
NovoRapid acts faster than the short acting insulin in the mixtard so that it can take care of my food consumption more effectively. On the other hand, Lantus acts more slowly for longer time (24 hour) than the intermediate one in the mixtard. Using this combination, I can theoretically have more freedom of when to eat and what to eat. As consequences though, I had to inject more frequently. I gave myself Lantus once a day at the same time (around 10 pm) and gave me a shot of NovoRapid every time I was about to eat any carbohydrates. Now, the amount of Lantus that I injected every night was fixed but for the NovoRapid, it was adjusted to how much carbohydrates I ate. Thus, I had to learn counting the carbohydrates to better manage my diabetes. I had regular appointments for my doctor and dietitian for this. I was told to give 1 unit of NovoRapid for every 15 grams carbohydrates. Also, I had to test my blood sugar prior injections and if it was higher than 150 mg/dL, correction factor was added (1 extra unit for every 50 mg/dL blood sugar). So, for example, if my blood sugar was 250 mg/dL and I wanted to eat 60 grams carbohydrates, I would inject 6 units (2 correction factor+4 for carbs). This way, my blood sugars could get closer to the goal, which was 80-120 mg/dL before meals and 100-180 mg/dL after meals. I was also warned about hypoglycemia (low blood sugars). My doctor told me that if I felt dizzy, sweating or shaky because of hypoglycemia, I should consume either half cup of fruit juices/regular sodas, or 1 tablespoon of honey/sugar then check my blood sugar after 15 minutes. If it was still low, then consume another one. This method would prevent its reverse condition (blood sugar became very high) which had always happened to me before. I was so excited about this; it was true that I had more freedom. BUT life did not get any easier. I started to eat more proteins and fats because I thought that I did not have to get injections for that. I loved eating a lot of breakfast sausages and scrambled eggs back when I was living in the dorm. I started gaining weight and the highest I had was 130 lbs. It was not all, stress made it worse. One day my boyfriend told me not to call him ever again and gosh how I felt to be betrayed. I kept thinking, how could he do this to me? I started to go out of my mind; I remember eating a full giant bag of potato chips without giving myself any drop of insulin. I went to student counseling for help but I did not come back for any follow ups because it was not very helpful. It was a hard time for me but I was so blessed to have friends who were always there for me. Both of them ended up being my wonderful roommates when I moved to apartment.

Blast from the past: Living in a Nightmare

Years passed by; I became so used to needles I did not even feel any pain or discomfort anymore. I was also very excited when my grandpa gave me his static bicycle so that I could do my daily exercise anytime at home. Life was getting better but my HbA1c test (average blood sugar over an 8-12 week period) was not at the point desired. This test is different from my daily tests, this gives bigger and clearer picture of how my blood sugars have been. HbA1c tests should be done once in 3-6 months and the best I had was 8%. Normal people would have less than 6% and the goal for diabetics are less than 7% in order to prevent complication later on in life. I have always been haunted by the potential future complications such as heart disease, kidney disease, diabetic retinopathy (blindness), sexual problems, frequent infection, and surgical loss of a foot/leg. Yes, it scared me to death but that made me fight everyday for another healthy day. However, I did not always win the battle; I screwed up a lot of times too. When I was in high school, I was introduced to "love". Love is the most beautiful thing in the world but it can be painful if it is misunderstood. I thought I knew what it meant but I was not. My parents noticed this and consequently, they did not approve our relationship. It was so painful because it was me against my own parents; I was living in a nightmare. Stress built up over and over and my blood sugar sky rocketed. I tried hurting myself a lot of times by not giving my body enough insulin and I even thought of suicide. One time I tested my blood sugar and it was so high that my machine could not detect it. It was so bad because stress increases blood sugar and high blood sugar can cause even more emotional stress. I lost control over myself; I was a runaway. But I was not alone, I was so blessed that I had my friends' supports I cannot thank them enough. My little sister helped me out a lot too; she never got tired of listening to me and felt for me. Sometimes I felt guilty I might have ruined their lives. I admit that I lost my battle but never once in my life I give up. I was sure to fight again.

Blast from the past: My First Life Event

I can still remember what I dreamed the night on the D-Day. I had a gigantic delicious-looking cake in front of me but sadly, I woke up when I was about to eat it >-( Perhaps, it was a sign. Anyway, I was taken to a doctor and prescribed some medicines. He also asked me to start a strict diet and it went pretty well because my mom took a good care of me and helped me every second. My blood sugar was tested in the lab frequently and was consistently good. However, I still kept losing my weight until it hit 85 lbs and I did not even try to step on the scale anymore. I even lost an inch of my height (from 64.5 inch); I was so terrified. I did not have my periods for 3 months because my body fat was not enough (less than 22%) to produce the estrogen. I was not the only one who had lost weight. My mom had lost a lot too but she was unbelievably strong for me. About 2 months later, my parents took me to a hospital called National University Hospital in Singapore to see a specialist. I could not speak English very well at that time let alone Chinese. Fortunately, my dad was quite good on speaking both and could make conversation to my doctor very well. He told my dad that he was very skeptical about the pills I had been taking. After carefully learning about my condition, he wanted to do a little experiment to me. He told me to come back the next day early in the morning fasting. I was then given a pure glucose solution and my blood was drawn and analyzed every hour for a total of six hours. He wanted to see my insulin production in response to my blood glucose level. Then came the bad news: seeing the result, my doctor told me that I had to start insulin injections. O my Lord, I can still feel that moment. Never in my life I had imagined to live day by day with needles; they were my biggest fear. I freaked out, I could not hold my tears and it was definitely my first life event. It was a big slap on my face. I was so confused I thought I did alright with the pills and diets. Then my doctor explained to me that I had been in a "honeymoon period", a short period of time after the diagnosis of type 1 diabetes during which there is some restoration of insulin production and the blood sugar levels improve to normal, or near-normal levels. Unfortunately, like other honeymoons, this diabetes honeymoon did not last forever and apparently not for long for me. He said that the beta cells on my pancreas had stopped producing insulin so that the glucose in my body was not used to create fuel. Then my body used the alternative resource, which was my body fat. That was why I kept losing weight. The danger of it though was that it produced ketones as its by-products. High levels of ketones are harmful, so as soon as they started to rise, my body tried to get rid of them through my urine. Trying to get rid of not only the ketones but also the unused glucose had made me extremely dehydrated and needed to pee very often. If the ketones continued to build up, it would act like poison and could cause blurred eyesight, hard breathing, fruity smell odor, and tiredness. I tried my best to understand and accept it. After that visit, my parents learned how to poke my fingers to test my blood sugar. I can understand now how hard it must have been for them to teach me how to do it. My dad ended up spilling all the test strips when first time trying to poke my finger. However, it was so much more painless and convenient than having it done in the lab. I came back to the hospital the next day and had to stay some nights in there so that they could teach me how to give myself the insulin injections and adjust how much insulin I needed. I was told to use mixtard insulin twice a day, in the morning and before dinner. Mixtard contains 2 types of insulin: fast-acting and intermediate-acting. The morning shot was supposed to cover my breakfast and lunch while the evening shot was supposed to take care of my dinner and the rest of the night. After I was released from the hospital, we all went back home and it was almost my 13th birthday. I felt very sad I did not want to celebrate my birthday. I told my mom that I wished I could be normal. She said to me,"Everyone carries his/her own cross; you just need to look down sometimes. You are lucky enough to be diagnosed this soon!" I guess she was right; I always look to people above me and never look at those who suffer.

Blast from the past: D-Day

My life was perfect until I was in my fourth grade. That was when I started eating out of control. I was 125 lbs at age 10 and it kept going up until I gave up my courage to step on the scale. I can still remember how embarrassed I was to have my first pair of jeans sized 9. I was always the biggest among my friends and my sibblings even bigger than my older brother! I prayed and prayed to be beautiful like other girls. Then miracle came. One day, about two years later, I was brave enough to weigh myself and it was 114 lbs!!! O my God how I felt like dancin'. I told my mom right away eventhough she was out of town for my aunt's silver anniversary. She was so happy for me and said "You must have been on diet!" I smiled and laughed but felt confused because I was NEVER on diet. Anyway I did not care. Losing weight was the only thing I cared; I was the happiest creature on earth. This went on and on until I reached 92 lbs. My mom started getting suspicious. She realized I was not on diet; I ate more than ever and I was always dehydrated all the time. I also had to pee like crazy. Another strange thing was I found lots of my hairs on my pillow every morning when I woke up. One morning when I was 12 years old, my mom asked all of her children to put a glucose test stick when we urinated. Well lucky me, I was the only one that had glucose in my urine. The stick turned to dark blue which meant that there was HUGE amount of glucose.
Never thought that diabetes could happen to little kids, I was shocked and I was not the only one. I could still remember my mom's expression trying her best to be brave for me. I knew just a tiny bit about diabetes back then. All I knew was that my grandparents, who had been diabetics for long, had to take some pills and reduced sweets consumption. I thought to myself "I could do that! It should not be that bad..."