Thank You for the pain

I had a great lesson yesterday. I was watching a documentation movie in TV called "Living Without Pain". There are some people that are born without the ability to feel any pain. Gosh I never thought how painful it is to not feel pain. There was this little girl, she was 4 when all of her teeth were ended up taken off because she kept chewing her finger to its bone! Then she had to wear goggles day and night because she kept scratching her eyes. One of her eyes was then taken off too because of a bad infection. Yes, the whole eye!! Then she burned her hands a couple times by touching light bulb and waffle maker. O my God it was terrible, there were really black burned spots on the palm of her hand. So there I was sitting in pain watching my opposite. I knew that God was talking to me and I answered, "Thank You for the pain!" I almost lost it too you know. If I did not treat my blood sugar soon enough, my nerves might have been damaged and I might not be able to feel anything at all.

Thank You for my nerves still feeling the pain
Thank You for my legs still dancing
Thank You for my eyes still seeing clearly
Thank You for my ears still hearing
Thank You for my kidney still working
Thank you for my hairs still growing
Thank You for my heart still beating strong and loving
Thank You for my hands still typing with speed
Thank You for my brain still thinking and remembering
Forgive me for whining and complaining

Illusions

I've been struggling to get my life back. I am on my way though. It's very slow but I am getting there. I had a dream of a black and white wedding. I thought that was weird ^_^. Anyway, last weekend was fun; I went to my best girlfriend. She was my roommate and I am blessed to have a friend like her. It was very comforting to chat with her and we then watched Ratatouille (funny movie :D). Then I got a message from my high school's sort of like vice principal (wakil pamong) that he is in Chicago getting his master's degree. He has been a priest now. I like chatting with him because he is funny and always encouraging =). By the way, last night I watched a movie called "Instinct" in TV. Wowww, I love it love it. It makes me realize that everything that I have lost is just an illusion. I never own anything in this world but one thing we can all pursue is freedom. Control and power are just illusions; made by human. Somehow after watching that movie, it feels so much easier to let go of everything that was not mine in the first place. It's just an illusion that I thought I owned. But I am free to love, free to say no, and free to live. I am free to choose. Finally, I can feel peace and smile again.

I said HEY, WHAT'S GOIN ON?

Twenty-five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination

I realized quickly when I knew I should
That the world was made up of this brotherhood of man
For whatever that means

And so I cry sometimes
When I'm lying in bed Just to get it all out
What's in my head
And I, I am feeling a little peculiar.

And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs
What's going on?

And I say: HEY! yeah yeaaah, HEY yeah yea
I said hey, what's going on?

And I say: HEY! yeah yeaaah, HEY yeah yea
I said hey, what's going on?

ooh, ooh ooooooooooooooooh
ooh, ooh ooooooooooooooooh

and I try, oh my god do I try
I try all the time, in this institution

And I pray, oh my god do I pray
I pray every single day
For a revolution.

And so I cry sometimes
When I'm lying bed
Just to get it all out
What's in my head
And I, I am feeling a little peculiar

And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs
What's going on?

And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what's going on?

And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what's going on?

And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what's going on?

And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what's going on?

ooh, ooh ooooooooooooooooh ooooooooooooooooh

Twenty-five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
for a destination
mmh mh