there's somethin bout cOcO

this is embarrassing but i need to spit this out...so there is this guy, his name is corey but i like to think about him as coco...actually it's more 'koko' which in indonesian means big brother...i thought his name was kory...anyway don't know what's goin on with me but he really caught my eyes since i saw him first time...it was when i took pic for my school ID card, since we didn't have our chef jacket yet we used school's chef jacket, then after they took my picture he was standing a guy after me and he gave his hand to put the chef's jacket back on the hanging rack...he has about shoulder high brunette hair, he is skinny and tall but not too too tall...turned out that we were classmate for one of my classes, food safety (my worst grade class 'cuz i cannot focus!!!)...he doesn't talk much but he has deep voice, he always looks serious but he is as cute as a baby when he laughs, he doesn't carry many things to class like me but he is smart ...he always brings his hat though =D i don't know if he likes blue but most of his shirts he wore were navy blue...i barely knew him and almost never talked to him...i have been trying to talk to him but every time i saw him i was so speechless and my heart just went bUMp bUMp bUMp panic mode...he must have thought i was rude or weird...he lives off campus and he's not in school a lot, but despite that and even though i don't know him at all (i know how to spell his name from my friend's facebook) and we only had one class together, every time he is near somehow i can feel it and he always caught my eyes...this is so ridiculously crazy even 'til now (i am in ames for school break), i still cannot get him out of my mind!!! by the way i don't even know his status but i somehow hope that he is single =P if not, his girl is so damn lucky...anyway i think that this makes me realize that i am not dead inside yet...i think that i still hope for love...i think that it is easier for my heart to love than to be loved, i question myself whether i am actually lovable and i am questioning myself if i love the right way...is there the right way anyway? this is the first time i feel for someone not asian but does it even matter? Gosh i don't know what i should do with this feeling i mean i see him EVERYDAY in my mind it kinda freaks me out mannnnn life is crazy
speaking bout crazy, my blood sugar has been crazy too, i am having problem keeping it under control especially after my big lunch...i am kinda on the loose for my diet too...so in conclusion i am fucked up but hey this is life, it's reality, it's true story...in other words, i'm back in the game...hell yeah i am!

please pray

i am not feeling well, not that anything happened to me but because i got so damn bad news...my dear uncle got lung cancer and it's very acute, it has hit his bone...i wish i was in indonesia rite now, wish i could see him and support him...if you read this please help us pray for him