PANIC MODE!!!

it's been a while, i have been keeping myself busy...i just realize that i loveeeeeee dancing, it just feels great...i think it's a powerful stress reliever...anyway i am on a panic mode right now, next week i will move to NY and start my classes (i cannot believe it's coming already)...i haven't packed up anything yet, still working on health insurance, just far away from being ready PLUS we will be performing hip hop dance this weekend YIPPIEE!!! i am excited for that but kinda nervous too 'coz we will be performing 4 times and i join 2 classes so i will be performing 8 times in 2 days woohooo....lets see how my stamina works out =) ooo and one of the classes just decided to do body roll, it will be on a concrete floor too...man i think last time i did it was in junior high school...not to mention the other dance is doing a lot of beginner break dancing...it is supposed to be easy i think but i never do anything close to this in my life ^__^ anyway i hope i can make it, i am practicing everyday...i really hope that i will not turn down the dances *cross my finger*...o by the way this wednesday is my last day working at perkins =( i feel so sad...although i have injured my hand and burned my hands there, i think working there really helped me lifted my spirit a little bit...gosh i never thought that i would feel this way but i am feeling sad of leaving this town...although i have said so many times that i want to get out of here, there is just too many memories here and i feel like home here...i guess no one would say this but i leave my heart in ames =)

what do you do when you are so broken hearted? i bake all the time, i run, i join belly dancing class, hip hop dancing class, t-shirt, ring, and cake decorating class...i mean i cannot get myself anymore busier, i am so tired mentally and physically but i still can't sleep...last night i did not sleep at all, this morning i burnt a pan of muffins what a great day...i know i have to be strong but man i feel like i truly hit the bottom of my life right now and it is so hard to get up, i really need a break gosh i wish i can have a break...i feel like a complete failure, feel like i am just a joke...i try so hard not crying, it gives me bad headache now...everything is so messed up, i wish i can just die

me & eating disorder

met my dietitian yesterday, this time the hospital's dietitian not student health center's dietitian...actually i've met her before, long time ago when i first got here but i don't think she remembered me...once again she told me that i had eating disorder...i am too obsessed with my weight and what i eat, excessive exersice, and i always think that i am fat...she said that chance of it happening in diabetics is greater than in normal people because we have to deal with counting carbs everytime and we watch out everything we eat...she told me that i didn't actually need to see dietitian 'cause i knew about that stuff already, i need to go see a counselour...i think it's true that i need to talk to someone about this, someone who would be willing to understand me 'cause i don't think most people can, but i got so tired of dealing with this...i feel like it's been too long and what if talking about it makes me more aware of it and makes it even worse? sometimes i get jealous at people who don't care about eating, they just eat anything anytime...i tried doing it last time but in the wrong way, i promise to myself that i won't play with insulin dose again...sigh~ i wish i can breakaway from this bad habit someday, God speed~

crappp @!@

diet in progress...arghhh can i get a steady weight plizzzzzz!?!?!

arghh

yesterday was really sad, it could have been the end of our story but i like to think of it as to be continued instead...that way, i can keep looking forward...anyway back to my lonely life here we go again be strong debby chan!!!haik

Xmas in Semarang

i said "see you next year" in my last blog but i feel like writing this one so that i can remember it later when i am old ^_^ so yesterday was xmas eve, we planned on going to church but change of plan, i was having surgery on my wisdom teeth, both of the lower ones...actually my upper one (the left one was already taken off) was supposed to be taken off but the doctor was afraid i would have too many bleeding and could not eat for long time...i tested my blood sugar before surgery and it was 71 mg/dL, i thought "great, i don't have juice!" so i took the risk of going to the surgery and suspended my insulin ^__^...i resumed my insulin after the surgery and thank God i didn't have hypo during the surgery wakakakkaaa...actually i think it was really close 'coz the next morning my blood sugar was only 55 mg/dL...so i cannot chew today, i can only have porridge haiihhhh what a xmas present! the food here is soooooo gooddddd i can't wait till i can chew again...i really enjoy being home although our house is like disaster hahahahhaaa many things are damaged and everything is out of place but other than that everything is wonderful, my skin is not dry anymore and i am surprised that we are not having a lot of mosquitos ^-^ o i forgot to mention, when i was in singapore, i left my insulins in my hotel room fridge!!! wakakakkaa well i am laughing now but absolutely not at that time, i was panic 'coz i realized it after we boarded in our ship (we were cruising for 3 days) which means it was 5 hr after checking out of the hotel...i called the hotel and phewwww they still saved my insulins...Gosh and luckily my insulin on my pump was enough until we're done cruising, i told my mom "well if it's not enough than i won't eat" hihihihihiii but actually i still had plenty of insulin left over after cruising...by the way i took a pic of me and my teeth yesterday but i cannot d/l it to my comp 'coz i don't bring the cable sooo i'll post it later...alrighty Happy Holidays & Merry Xmas to those who celebrate ^.= ciao~

Vacation to My Lovely Home

I am at Changi Airport, Singapore right now...it's 2 about 2 am and we are all wide awake >.< me and my family are staying over in Singapore for 3 days but a friend of mine is leaving for Semarang this at around 7 am. We met another Indonesian girl when we flew from Denver to LA and she has been with us ever since coz she has the same exact flight path and plus this is her first time going back home (she is a freshman). My blood sugar was quite ok, just had one high ~220 mg/dL but other than that has been stable at 70-120 mg/dL...i didn't change the time on my pump yet but i had to check my blood sugars often...i ate Ben & Jerry's cookie dough ice cream on the plane yummyyyy, i didn't finish it though, just had half of the tiny container...o when we stopped at Narita in Japan, i saw a really cute green tea can, the can looks like a geisha, so the lid has the face and the container has the kimono...i really wanted to buy it but hmm...it was pretty expensive and i don't really drink green tea that much, i wish it was a maccha powder so that i could use it for baking...anyway i have to log out now coz we have 15 min limit to use the internet so happy holidays everyone!!! See u next year~